They say you are with me … they say you haven’t left me, you have merely taken on another form. But I don’t see you, I don’t smell you, I don’t hear you, I don’t feel you.
Look for the signs, they say. What signs? What do I look for? Where do I look? How do I know it will be from you?
Your absence is so present and looking for you, trying to find you, see you, hear you, feel you, has become my all consuming daily reality.
I feel like I am stuck in a maze. Im lost and searching. It’s you I’m searching for.
I talk to you, but can you hear me? I think of you, but can you see me? I dream of you, but is it just a dream? Or is it really you?
Less than 4 months after your death, I take a bold step and speak to a medium. All I want is to know, that I know, that you are ok. That you still exist, that you are happy in Heaven.
It’s you! You speak to me through her and it can only be you. Only you would say those things, only you would know those things, only you …. but is it really you?
Then she says ….. “you will see his face in the sky”.
And now … I look up. All I do is look up hoping to find you. Hoping to see you …. but will I? How can you appear to me in the sky? I believe it will happen, but the skeptic in me takes over and I feel disillusioned once again. Where are you?
And then it happened …. it was August 13th, a Monday afternoon. On my drive home from work, I noticed the most unusual cloud formation in the sky. It was there the whole way home, during a windy winter afternoon. It never moved, it did not blow away.
I arrived home, and took a photograph of the clouds with my phone and went inside.
Two days later, scrolling through my images, I look at the photo I took and then I see it. There it is …. your face …. Jordan’s face in the sky.
Just think about this for a minute … the synchronicity that was at play on that day. I noticed the cloud, I took a photo of it at the right time (5,33pm) and the photo was perfect. August is a windy month in South Africa. How could that cloud stay in tact whilst the August winds howled through the sunset sky. Had I moved the camera a little more to the right, or further down … I would have missed it. I would not have captured your face.
Now I know …. now I know you are with me, you do see me, you do hear me. You have not left me. You really have just taken on another form.
There really are signs. They are real. They are from you. And there have been so many. Now I look back, and I believe. The grass hoppers you sent me, the heart shaped clouds, the rainbows, the songs, the visitation in my dream, the owls….. so many signs but the one I treasure the most is your precious face in the sky. Who would believe I would capture a photograph of you, after you were gone.Face – top left corner of the photo.